AlwaysASilverLining

whhhhatdafuck i dont understand what is wrong with me. i’m so detached from EVERYTHING. it was gorgeous out today and i stayed in the. whole. day. i didn’t want to deal with anything: people, stop signs, suburban noise etcetc. today was my mom’s bday - didn’t do SHIT bc of what happened this weekend (will explain later). ugh so many feelings tugging at me. AND i have a fucking stye EWEW. when i got my phone back i wasn’t rejoicing or excited to text you guys.. i just wanted to watch shit online and be a fucking hermit. i was watching the season finale of revenge and i googled a song that really intrigued me: Seven Devils by flo & the machine. IT SUITS ME WAY TO WELL. ugh i havent seen u guys in soo long i think im losing it. i’ve changed so much since freshman year. i used to be so much more .. pleasant..or something. there is so much i have to tell u guys but i don’t even no where to begin since i have a fucking communication problems. thank god for genetics. 

fuck. i’m gonna be the lady with 38 cats- alive and dead.

i am just so sad and sick, and just soo sad and actually sick. ugh today is michele’s brother’s death anniversary and i almost forgot. well actually i wasn’t sure if it was the 13th or the 14th, but either way im just sad. and i just have all these feelings when i didn’t even know him like that, but i think im just feeling because she’s one of my closet friends even if we don’t talk all the time and whatever. UGH. so i stalk her tumblr randomly even though its on her twitter all public and shit, but i still feel like i shouldn’t be reading it or idk its just that she talks about her true feelings about everyday and her bf, john and, her brother, karl. and i get all sad bc she doesn’t discuss it with me or with anybody -at least to my knowledge- and just what is going on in her life. i want to be there for her, but then i get the feeling she just never wants to talk about it bc well she’s not ready to deal. i get that but even with little things - she just never mentions it like if i ask her about her weekend. i think she actually just forgets what goes on. idk i wish i could go in her brain and help her feel happy and not hollow anymore. i even feel cliche when im like “u know u can talk to me whenever” or “ur the strongest girls i knw”. i think she jst tired of hearing it all.   im just so sad. ugh and now i have a ridiculous amnt of shit to do.

the colorful tiger picture is how i feel in a way: screaming - internally; tears - not so much internal